Black Women Rock!

Black women get called a lot of things. Loud. Aggressive. Angry. Extra. Strong. It’s like we are born into a system of adjectives that swaddle us from birth, like a rigid, restrictive baby blanket. Black women are routinely pigeonholed by a variety of stereotypical notions that we spend a lifetime trying to carefully sidestep. It’s like we are trying to avoid these tiny hidden little land mines that we know are waiting to explode underneath our feet and destroy everything that we’ve tried to build. And as you can probably tell, these aren’t just observations that I’ve made; I know all too well the burden of other people’s presumptions of me as a Black woman. But my career has brought me full circle with black women and I have to tell you, it has reconnected me with “us” in the most beautiful ways.

I have been a therapist for a very long time. For nearly 20 years, I have worked in various levels of social service, however, when it came to individual therapy, my practice rarely saw black women. When I decided to open my private practice, a colleague actually discouraged me, saying, “you know there aren’t a lot of black women around here seeking therapy, so….” I never intended to specifically cater to black women; I am a therapist who can and has worked with anyone. But wouldn’t you know it; this time my practice started to look different. Out of the blue, my clientele became more and more full of women who looked like me. Women who were seeking out, not just an ear, but a familiar and understanding ear. Women who felt a need to invest in themselves. Women who are here for the theory, women who are eager to self reflect. I can see in my clients a comfort attached to having a safe space to process and decompress without judgment or misunderstanding. My work with my African American clients has been so rewarding, in part because I can see how rare and necessary the therapeutic space we’ve built is for them. I think about all the connotations that have been associated with Black Women and I am struck by how little the world knows what’s really happening or who we really are. Black women are not loud, angry, trifling, aggressive, etc. No, they – we – are extremely self-reflective, growth oriented, self aware, honest, and insightful. They are asking themselves tough questions and evolving themselves though each new self-discovery, and in the process reshaping and healing themselves and families’ narratives. Black women rock! They are evolving at lightening speed, in the dark, while absolute one is watching. But I want you all to know that I see you. I acknowledge your efforts and your progress. And I am encouraging you to keep pushing. Because pursuing growth without accolade or acknowledgement, well I call that growth for growth’s sake. It is honest, it is pure, and that is the kind of growth that changes absolutely everything.