Watch Those Soft Spots

Everyone knows that there is no act that requires more care than handling a newborn. These tiny little people, who will soon be capable of so very much, are also the most fragile little things in creation. And no part of them is more fragile than their tiny little heads. We know that the miracle of birth leaves behind a little risk; tiny little soft spots on a baby’s head that if mishandled, can have huge consequences.

I believe though, that even as bones harden and bodies grow and strengthen, new soft spots form. Born of embarrassment, hurt, loss, shame, and trauma, our physical soft spots are replaced with emotional ones. They are harder to spot… and also harder to heal.

Ironically, the biggest difference between the soft spots of a baby and the soft spots the rest of us have is that a baby’s soft spots are easy to see. People know where they are and they know how to care for them. But the emotional soft spots that all of us carry are harder to recognize, by others – and sometimes – even by ourselves. They are different for all of us, and there is no singular way for someone else to care for them.

Even more ironic is that when we are babies, other people are responsible for handling our soft spots with care, but as we age, our emotional soft spots become our own to take care of. It is our responsibility to become aware of our own sensitivities and triggers and our own responsibility to manage how we respond to them. In short, as we age, we slowly learn that we have to handle ourselves with care, especially in those most sensitive spaces. We have to be honest with ourselves about the impact our experiences have had on us, own how we are reacting to them, and then develop strategies to protect those soft spots so that they don’t trigger us into dangerous emotional places and reactions. If we are to become healthy, we have to become loving caregivers to ourselves, treating ourselves and our sensitivities with the same grace, patience, and tenderness that we use to handle newborns. And it is through this grace, patience, and tenderness that we find ourselves strengthening ourselves, and our soft spots slowly closing.